Here I Go Again on My Own

I hope you read that title in your best 80’s hair rock band voice, because that’s what I think of.

Here I go again!

You may be thinking, Where ya been Lauren?! Is blogging too much of a chore for you?! You can’t handle the life of a TRUE blogger!!

Well, you’re probably right. But let me also explain why I haven’t written anything in a long time.

I didn’t have anything good to say. So I didn’t say anything at all. If you’ll let me I’d like to bare my soul to you a little and share with you what God’s teaching me right now.

For about a year I’ve been discontent with my job. Not because my job is all that bad, honestly I have it pretty good. I work for my dad from home. Sean also works for my dad from home. Which means I get to spend a lot of time with my husband and not get out of my PJs until I’m good well and ready! Which is awesome. Also, my boss is my dad. A man who loves me and always has my best interest at heart. I’d bet that most people can’t say that about their boss. However, with all these wonderful things about my job I was left still feeling discontent. See, like the majority of people who live in Texas – I grew up in church. I grew up in GREAT churches. Churches that believed in the prophetic and in investing in the next generation. So I, being a product of fantastic churches and youth groups, grew up believing that God had BIG plans for my life. This in of itself is awesome, but let me explain the trap of the enemy I fell into.

See, I’m 24 now. I’m married, I own (roughly 13% of) a home, and have a job. I’m an adult (sadly). So in my head I’m sitting here at my job day in and day out thinking, “Lord, this job isn’t BIG, and you have BIG things for me. This can’t be all you have for me right now. Let’s do something else.” Don’t you love it when you tell God what to do?!

I sat for a year (probably more) praying that prayer. Over, and over, and it bred a lot of hurt feelings and disappointment in my heart, because nothing changed. God didn’t give me a new job, He didn’t give me a huge idea for a book, He didn’t even give me an idea of how to make my current job more enjoyable. So here I am, face stained from disappointed tears, asking God why.

So many of my journeys with the Lord begin with me asking why. You’d think I’d learn to be more inquisitive all the time, might save myself some grief!

This is what I think He’s shown me the past week or so. BIG in the Kingdom of God is not measured the same way that BIG is measured on earth. As a Christian I have dual citizenship in the Kingdom of God and here on earth. I am a citizen of both worlds, but one world will pass away, along with all of its trappings. So if I’m wise, I’ll work towards successes in the world that will never end. My focus for so long has been on having big success here on earth. Wanting so badly to do BIG worldly things for God so everyone here on earth would recognize it. What God’s showing me right now, is that I need to switch my attitude and focus. I need to strive for the things He thinks are big. What are those things? Well, I think it could look different for each person, but since we’re talking about me I’ll tell you what I think those big things are.

• Learning to be a good wife – this will not only bless my husband but build a strong foundation for our future family. I can also share what I learn along the way to help others around me to be better wives, which will affect their families for generations to come. That’s BIG.
•  Learning to hear God more clearly. If I hear God better, I can speak life into my family, friends, coworkers, and who ever I come across. Living in constant communion with the Lord will make me a better image of Him, and therefore spread His word more.
• Be a better friend/daughter/sister – If I can’t cultivate good relationships and love the people that are immediately around me, why would God trust me with more people?
• Manage my ‘domain’ – where ever I am stand up for my convictions and be a FORCE of love and grace. In my home, my car, with my friends, my family, my blog.. all of it.

That’s all I’ve gotten so far, but it’s big. God has shown me that I need not scoff at things I find to be small, because its all of those ‘small’ things that add up to be a BIG life.

Matthew 5:19

So if you ignore the least commandment and teach others to do the same, you will be called the least in the Kingdom of Heaven. But anyone who obeys God's laws and teaches them will be called great in the Kingdom of Heaven.

 Galatians 6:9

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

 Hebrews 6:9-12

Dear friends, even though we are talking this way, we really don’t believe it applies to you. We are confident that you are meant for better things, things that come with salvation. ¹⁰ For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other believers,^[b] as you still do. ¹¹ Our great desire is that you will keep on loving others as long as life lasts, in order to make certain that what you hope for will come true. ¹² Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent. Instead, you will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God’s promises because of their faith and endurance.

 

 

Because the Dowager always has wisdom.