Cart Before The Horse

Well, in usual Lauren fashion I began my blog with no explanation and just jumped right into it! Sometimes I get a little eager beaver about things. But who doesn't?!

I wanted to take a moment and explain the purpose behind this blog, at least the short-term purpose: to chronicle this year for my husband and myself. Let me explain.

On April 27th, 2012 my world changed. My then fiancé, called me to let me know he was getting deployed to Afghanistan in June. It's crazy how so few words, that took less than five seconds to utter can turn your entire life upside down. But, let me back up a little further in order to flesh the story out for you.

Sean and I met in high school at our church's youth group. He was the boy that every girl had a crush on.  He on the other hand, was too busy being a silly teenage boy to give any of us crazy girls the time of day. Fast-forward four years, Sean and I end up reconnecting at church one Christmas break while I was home from college. He took me to lunch one Wednesday and that was it. We began to date and a year later he proposed to me. Sean was, and is such an amazing blessing to me. He is everything I didn't know I needed; he is truly my other half. After Sean proposed in January of 2012 we set the date for our wedding: September 22, 2012. My older sister was already engaged and getting married May 26th, so in our abundant kindness decided to wait a massive four months to give my parents a break.

So there we were, with our perfect plan trucking right along until one Sunday night Sean comes home from Drill and tells me that his name is on a list set to deploy in June. After a lot of snot crying and pouting Sean and I decided to not make any rash decisions and to wait until his next drill a month later before we decided what we were going to do. If you're not familiar with the military, things change constantly. They can have a plan one minuet and the next its completely different. Since Sean was supremely aware of that fact he wanted to wait to see if this deployment would truly happen. So I began to pray, and ask everyone I knew to pray. I pleaded with the Lord to take Sean's name off of the list, or to cancel the deployment, to do anything! But a month later, I got a call from Sean that changed everything.

I don't know if you have ever been disappointed by God, but that's a polite way of explaining how I felt right after that call. I was so angry. I didn't understand, was God punishing me for things that I had done? Had I not prayed hard enough? Did God not love me enough to answer my prayers? The questions and anger came flooding into my broken heart.

In reaction to the news that Sean would soon be leaving (we found out April 27th he left May 17th) we decided to go ahead and get married before he left. Queue the craziest week of my life. I alerted my wedding planner of what was happening and we got to work. Finding a venue, emailing e-invites to family, making dinner reservations, finding a wedding dress - you name it, we did it! This is where God showed up big time. In the middle of my anger at Him, and all of the chaos He lovingly orchestrated a beautiful wedding, just for me. I don't think you can plan a wedding in a week with out the hand of God.

We got married at a beautiful country club near my house on May 6th 2012. The next morning Sean took two final exams. I'm not making this stuff up folks; Sean had 5 finals on Monday and Tuesday after we got married. He pulled it off though making one A and 4 B's. He's amazing to say the least. The next week was a blur of hotels, activities, and trying to remember every second of every day we had left. Then he was gone.

When people say, 'I don't know how you did it', honestly neither do I. It was God, none of that was me. I do not have the strength to say good-bye to my husband when all I want is to hold him. I can't manufacture the kind of peace it takes to help me sleep at night. It's the Lord. Maybe that's why early American's were so devout, because they had to be. Life was hard, and nothing gave meaning and peace but God. That's still true.

I still don't understand why things turned out like this, or why Sean and I have to walk through it, but I do know that God is still in control and he loves us. One of my favorite women's pastors, Christine Cane, said once that God gives you the grace you need for your story. When I was so broken just a few short weeks ago, crying out to the Lord he reminded me of that. He also brought the scripture where Paul is talking about the thorn in his flesh and asking the Lord to remove it to my mind, specifically the portion where God answers Paul's prayers, not in the way that Paul probably had hoped, but with the words "My grace is sufficient for you".

I don't know where you're at or what you're facing, but I hope you catch that small mountain moving truth. His grace is sufficient for you.

So don't pity me, or feel better about your circumstances in comparison to mine. Instead give thanks to the God of the universe that no matter what your story, His grace is sufficient.

XOXO,

Lauren