Peaks, Valleys, and Eternity

It's been my experience that immediately following any sort of kingdom 'high' Satan, the jerk that he is, comes at you full force, trying to knock you off that high horse. Well, this week has kind of been like that. 

I was shocked when I got the kind of response to my first two posts that I did. Honestly, those were for me. To get off my chest what was so heavy inside of me. I'm an out-loud thinker/processor. It helps me to talk through things. In fact, I usually feel like a giant ball of emotion until I can hash things out with someone. Sean is really good at listening to all my emotional ramblings. He is always patient with me and talks me through my over dramatic moments (me? over dramatic..NO! ;-). So, in writing that blog it was a way for me to get those thoughts out, and let Sean still be involved in the process. But then all of you wonderful people actually read it! Several girls told me how one of the posts had helped them, that the Lord had spoken to them through it. Humbled is an understatement, it was awesome to see the Lord using my words. It was definitely one of those 'spiritual high' moments, and you know what follows those.  

Satan really is a jerk. I hope you know that. I've thought about making a T-shirt about it. For no particular reason Tuesday was a hard day. I don't know if it was coming back to work after a long weekend, or my sister being gone (she's on her honeymoon..I expect gifts..), or it being one of the first nights I went to church without Sean, but all day my Eeyore cloud was out in full force. I didn’t shake it off probably until Wednesday night. I volunteer with the youth group at my church and it’s such a blessing to me each week. On my way home I called Sean and got to talk to him for a bit. He explained how he got to pray with several of the guys in his platoon that are Christians, and all of the ways he knows he is supposed to be there right now, for such a time as this.  

I've been prophesied over several times in my life, and they all had a similar chord running through them, that the Lord would bring me through specific things in my life in order for me to help the women around me, a call on my life like the call of Esther. I am here, for such a time as this. In my head I've always thought, "Yea, this is awesome! I'm going to be a nation changer like Esther, she was a queen! I want to be a queen!" But Wednesday night when Sean was talking about how he knew he was at the exact right place at the exact right time; my heart did not leap for joy. Sure, I'm happy that the Lord is using Sean, but does it have to be so hard?  

I think back to Esther. You know, I bet she wasn't super jazzed about her calling all the time either. The weight of saving a nation was on her shoulders. She had to risk her life for the lives of her people, not an easy task, but she did it. She didn't run away, or ignore what was being set before her. She sought the Lord, and went to work.  

That is not easy. It is not easy to stare at your seemingly impossible situation and say, "Ok Lord, its me and you, let's do this." But I think that's exactly the heart that the Lord is after; he needs you to be willing to trust His crazy plan. That he knows better than you do, and will carry you through it. I've always wanted to be that kind of person, who can go beside a river, pick up a couple stones and walk off to face the giant, knowing that God has my back. It’s tough and I'm not sure I've even begun to look anything like Esther, but I'm willing.

Growing is hard work, and spiritual growing pains are real, but I know that everything learned in the spirit will last me for all of eternity. This pain I'm experiencing will be miniscule in comparison to the eternal rewards ahead of me. That's true for you as well. No matter what you're facing, or how much your dreading taking another step forward, your reward will be worth it, for your treasures are in heaven not on this earth.

Lord, take me and use me. Help me to be able to fight for my people. Make me strong enough to slay the giants in my life, and give me the grace that I need to be able to trust that you have my back. For you crush giants and defeat armies, but you are tender and close to the broken hearted. Thank you for loving me even when I run away from what you've called me to do. Amen.