My Very Own Miracle

First off let me say, I'm sorry this has taken so long. Its been busy around here, you'll understand here soon.

I have GIANT news that can only be credited to God's faithfulness and grace to His kids. Sean is home, for good.

About a week ago Sean called me and told me that his commander had spoken to him and said that since Sean's end time of service date wasn't longer than 90 days away from the end of the deployment he had to make a decision, extend his contract for another year, or not extend and see if they would send him still or not. Sean called me immediately after this conversation to talk with me about it. I told him that I didnt want him to resign. Let them send him still and he could come home early, but resigning for another year wasnt an option I was ok with. Sean agreed and we hung up the phone.

Let me pause to explain the small miracle happening just in that circumstance. Last fall we got news that Sean would be getting deployed the following July, except if he wanted to go he would have to extend for another year. Sound familiar? Well, Sean being the loyal, up to the challenge man that he is did exactly that. He signed a contract for another year so that he wouldn't leave his guys in the lurch. A few months later, that whole deployment got canceled and everything he signed was null and void. Do you see where I'm going with this? If God had allowed the army to recognize or process that Sean's ETS date is when it is before he left for training and given him the option to resign then, I think he would have. He wouldn't have been in the middle of it, sick of eating MRE's, and sick of missing his wife. (I’m taking literary liberty here, but I think it’s fairly accurate.)

Back to the story: Sean went back to his commander the next morning and told him that he wasn't going to resign. His commander took this news and went higher up the food chain to figure out what they were going to do with Sean. They were either going to release him, or still send him but he would come home early. This was HUGE. Either of these options was better than when we started, I was jumping out of my skin all day Thursday.

Thursday night Sean called me like he usually does after training and dinner are over. He said to me, "Baby I'm so excited about coming home...for good." Tricky little man, slipping such huge news into normal conversation like that. I started crying immediately. I couldn't believe it. He was coming home, for good. I didn't have to dread my birthday, or Christmas any more. He would be there.

I got on my knees with Sean and the phone and cried out to the Lord in thankfulness. This had nothing to do with me, it was totally God, and He chose to pour out His grace, mercy, and love on us in such a tangible way.

I've always struggled with the reality of "God really loves me". I know how much of a mess I am, and how many times I've royally missed the mark. Coming to a place where I can feel God's love deep down in my soul has been difficult for me. It's something I've been working on for quite a while. In my head I know the truth, but in my heart part of me always felt like I didn't deserve it, I wasn’t good enough.

I think the Lord wanted to put that lie to rest. If I ever think, does God really love me? I have this. He brought my husband home. He loves me so much, that He spared me from something I honestly did not want to walk through. He gave me grace, even when I had all but given up hoping that Sean could be spared.

I know that there are layers to this lesson I'm learning. All that has gone down in the past week will take me months to work out in my heart. But this I know for sure, God is good, and He loves me.

He loves you too. You might still be walking through your dark valley, or maybe you’re on the mountain top, but he loves you the same. The Bible says that God IS love. It also says that He cannot change. So, no matter what you're walking through, or how you've messed up God is still love, and He still loves you.

I hope this story has breathed some hope into your lungs. God is so much bigger than we often give Him credit for. He can do anything. Don't give up hope. Keep running this race, and I’ll see you at the finish line.

He's a cutie, and glad to be home.