God is love

ok, OK, O STINKIN’ K.

I’ve heard enough about chick-fil-a to last me a lifetime. And you know what?!! This girl has an opinion.

I have NO idea what Jesus would have done if he lived in modern times and Chick Fil A existed. My GUESS is that he would have been at a homeless shelter, or in someone’s house teaching, not eating waffle fries (I don’t think they are kosher?). Does that mean you’re a bad person for supporting the restaurant that makes me feel like fast food is slightly acceptable? Nope. Does it mean that you are a better person because you didn’t go to Chick Fil A and you’re learning to make your own chicken nuggets at home out of protest? Nope.

Let me tell it to you straight.

1. We are ALL sinners.

2. Our political views will NOT get us to heaven.

3. My God is LOVE, not hate.

4. Love does NOT mean compromising the truth.

If Jesus walked on this earth today where would he stand on Gay marriage, or abortion, taxes, or a myriad of other political topics that Christians and non-Christians alike get hyped up over? I have an idea – but I THINK (opinion only folks, I’m not God) that He would emphasize that its people’s hearts He is after, not their votes. When Jesus did walk on the earth, He did not seek to overthrow governments, much to the Jew’s dismay. He walked, loved, prayed, taught, healed, died, and rose again.

So here’s the thing, no matter what side of the fence you fall on, if you profess to be a follower of Christ I think we should remember a few things. God loves people, and hates sin. Our human minds can’t process that because we think that if someone does something we don’t like, we don’t like them. WRONG. You don’t like their actions, not WHO THEY ARE.  You can dislike what people do AND who they are – but that’s a horse of a different color. It’s much like loving a child – when they throw fits and tantrums and drive you up a wall, you don’t just stop loving them because their behavior doesn’t please you at the time.

Aren’t you glad God is a really good dad? And He doesn’t stop loving you each time you mess up? He is a God full of grace, mercy, and love. THAT is something worth emulating. We are called to LOVE those who are difficult to love. That means, people who don’t share your political views, religious views, moral standing,  who are rude to you, talk bad about you, take advantage of you, steal from you…

Matthew 5:38-48

38“You have heard that it was said, ‘AN EYE FOR AN EYE, AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH.’ 39“But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. 40“If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. 41“Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. 42“Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.

43“You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.’ 44“But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46“For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47“If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? 48“Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

I’m NOT perfect. And I struggle with actually loving people who are hard to love. But THAT’S my goal. Love everyone, all the time, no matter what.  Loving them does not mean I have to be ok with their actions, it means looking past the action to see the person, in need of love, grace and mercy.

Lord, please help me to do this in my life. You know how hard it is for me to do this, and how my little heart gets hurt by people. Help me to forgive them, and love them. Help me to love others like you do so that I can be your hands and feet. Help me to not love people out of selfish gain, but to love unconditionally. Teach me to live like you did, loving, forgiving, healing, teaching, walking, and dying for you. Forgive me for not loving people better. Forgive me for my failures. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for loving me all the time. Amen.

XOXOX,

Lauren

God is good, all the time.

If you just stumbled onto my blog, and happen to be reading all of my posts at once, I apologize. You’ve probably already noticed my bad grammar, and you’ll find a reoccurring theme throughout all of my posts. Thankfulness. It’s such a simple concept, but interlaid with profound truth.

Let me catch you up on my past few weeks and I’ll flesh out this chapter of ‘a thankful heart’. A few weeks ago Sean and I finally moved out of my parents’ house. The day after he came home from training, we went and signed a lease for our first apartment, but apartments aren’t genies and we had to wait 3 weeks until we could move in. We started collecting furniture and getting prepared for the big move. Then the day finally came. Sean’s twin brother and his girlfriend were in town during the move and with their help, my sister and her husband and all the other hands on deck we got moved in. Longest day of my life. For real. Just one thing was missing, our mattress. Sean was planning on picking up our mattress on move in day, but called for directions to the warehouse and Mattress firm told us to not worry about it, they would deliver it! Talk about thankfulness – in 100+ degree heat you are THANKFUL for not having to carry a mattress up apartment stairs. We waited, and waited, and waited. Come 8:30 when I was as cranky as the wicked witch of the west, and the mattress store was about to close – Sean called and they informed us our mattress would not be at our apartment that evening.

Let’s pause there for a second. I KNOW that this blog is a tiny snapshot of my life, and if this is all you know about me, I seem like the saint of thankfulness. I’m not. In fact at this particular moment of my life I was sitting at the sink washing dishes ready to poke a fork in the eye of the man who told me I was going to have to sleep on the floor that night, but the story does continue.

Sean has an uncanny ability to get whatever he wants. AKA Extreme favor.  Sometimes this is super annoying; however, when you’re his wife and you get to benefit from the favor over his life, it’s kind of awesome. By the time he hangs up the phone with the mattress man, he had secured us a free upgrade to any mattress in the store. Um what?! Yea, even over the phone his charm and good looks make people putty before him. ;-)  Needless to say, we slept on the floor for two nights and on the third night we have this mattress we could have never afforded in our bedroom.

So what does this have to do with thankfulness? Everything. Every night I get in my bed and silently pray, ‘Lord thank you for this mattress.’ Because I know what it’s like to sleep on the floor. See beyond the simple metaphor in this story.

I’m sure you know what it’s like to sleep on the floor. You know what it’s like to be so exhausted and at the end of your rope, and you just have to keep holding on, to God, and His promises. I’m 100% positive that at some point in your life you have experienced a period of being faithful during the ‘in betweens’. Can I tell you something? Your mattress is coming, and it’s more than you could have ever paid for on your own. Amen?!  

One day, you will be walking around in the fulfillment of God’s promises in your life and you will lay your head down every night thanking Him for it all, thanking Him that you don’t have to sleep on the floor anymore.

Lord, make me faithful during my ‘in betweens’ Help me to honor you with the little I have now, so that you can trust me with much. Help me to not complain through the process of your sanctification. I know that you love me, and will complete the good work that you started in me, help me to not hinder that growth. Make me good soil. May every breath I breathe, in the sunshine and the rain, glorify you.

Amen. 

XOXO,

Lauren

I am all He says I am

Are you gullible? Do you believe lies easily? Often times we wouldn’t categorize ourselves as gullible. We are well adjusted and informed individuals. But, how gullible are you when it comes to lies about yourself? Satan is one tricky jerk and gets us to believe all sorts of lies.

He is the father of lies.

I believe that our susceptibility to all of satan’s lies is an epidemic. We don’t know who we are. This is something that I struggle with, and have since I was a young girl. In your formative years you are desperately seeking out to define ‘who you are’. What kind of person you will be. So often we get answers from all of the wrong places. Media, friends, bullies, older siblings, even parents. Don’t misunderstand me, a parent instilling a healthy self-worth in their children is VASTLY important, but if that’s where you get your identity, I’m sorry to burst your bubble sister, its wrong. The ONLY place we are to form our identities from is the lips of our heavenly father.

This is hard, at least for me, because the sheer volume of voices screaming out the wrong answers drowns out the soft whispers of my heavenly father. In my head, I’ve heard all of the truth, and read all of the truth, but why are the lies easier to believe than the truth? Because my mind is full of crap. There it is, the long and short of it folks. Every day, all day, our minds are filled with all sorts of stuff, work stuff, facebook stuff, school stuff, pinterest stuff, boyfriend stuff, girl-friend stuff…DANG! It’s a wonder anything else fits in there!!! It does though, lies find their way into your mind and take root like the weeds that they are. So, what do you do?

Get out your gloves girl, you’re going to have to do some heavy gardening. If I take this metaphor farther, think of it this way. God is the gardener, you are the soil. But you aren’t really soil are you? You’re a person, who ALWAYS has a choice with the Lord. You can let Him in and ask Him to weed eat the junk out of your mind, or you can refuse His help.  The way that the Lord renews your mind is by filling it up with the truth – His word. You’ve got to put enough truth in there so you will stop believing all of the lies.

This is a journey I’ve been going on for a while. As a little girl, I believed the lies satan put into my head. I believed I was ugly, fat, and not good enough. Those creepy little critters still hang around the attic of my mind, and typically pop out when I least expect it. Like when I’m buying my Husband shorts and start to feel insecure because of the size of His pants in comparison to mine. (bad day right there, I feel sorry for all of the Target patrons.) Or when I have a bad day, act like a brat, and wonder why would anyone marry me in the first place?!

LIES.

They are all lies. Because here’s the deal: I AM ALL HE SAYS I AM. If you don’t know that Cody Carnes song, go YouTube it, then buy it, because that stuff is the TRUTH! I am the daughter of THE King. I am powerful, I am worthy of love, and I am beautifully and wonderfully made.

So yea, I’ll never be Kate Beckinsale, but I’m awesome, because I’m all that He says I am.

WORD!

This Again?!

I’d like to start this post off with a disclaimer. In the following lines you will find: 1. Bad grammar. 2. Southern Slang 3. Lots of sass. If all of that is just fine by you, then tread on, my friends.

It’s been a week since Sean got home and we've settled in quite nicely. We have settled into a routine with work, errands, and laundry. This may sound completely boring to you, but to me, it’s all of the little things I thought I wouldn’t get to do with Sean for a year. Those little things matter. We're also in the process of planning our wedding reception. Since we planned our wedding in a week, we were unable to invite everyone that we would have liked. So now we're scrambling around (again) trying to find a venue for our original wedding date, to have a reception in.

The second Sean got home; I breathed a huge sigh of relief. It was as if the weight of the world was immediately off my shoulders. I didn't have to figure out insurance by myself, or try to sell his car, or miss him so much I thought my heart would stop beating. It was over. I made it through the pressure cooker.

In my brief period post pressure cooker, I've noticed something. I seem brattier outside the cooker. *GASP* Seriously?! Am I that awful? Did I honestly forget EVERYTHING I've learned in the past month and go back to being silly little Lauren again?? Dang it. I'll admit it, in the past week, I've had my moments. You see, living at home, working at home, being married, and trying to plan a reception just does not always equal a recipe for a good attitude.

I've come to discover that my attitude needs a daily adjustment. It becomes too easy to be discontent with my circumstances, or frustrated with planning the reception. I have to take a step back and remember, "Hey girl, you just got yourself a bonafide miracle, get over it!" and then I typically do.

I can just hear your internal dialog now, "Well yeah, sheesh. If I had gotten a miracle I'd tell myself that too. But you have no idea what I am dealing with right now. I’m still in the middle of my mess." You're right. I don't know exactly what you’re dealing with, but the Lord does. I feel like I've said this before, but I'll say it again. Your perspective changes EVERYTHING. Are you grateful that you have a heavenly father who loves you and died for you, or are you sitting on Facebook comparing your life to hers? Are you rejoicing with those girls who are getting engaged and married, or are you disappointed and jealous that it’s not you?

A little too close to home right there? Good, because that's exactly where the Lord hit me this week. I could just feel Him saying to me, are you still going to choose me, even when everything's ok? What a question. Is God my life vest, or the air I breathe? Is He my everything, every day, or my insurance policy? I refuse to allow what I've learned slip away. I refuse to allow my dependence to switch from totally on God to myself. Nope, not gonna happen! I don't want to have to learn that lesson again, thank you!

I'm putting that up on the thankfulness board. That the Lord teaches me, and by His grace alone, I learn the lesson, because let’s face it, without Him I wouldn’t learn a darn thing.

What is the Lord teaching you? Is it the same lesson over and over again? Or are you learning, and moving on to bigger sometimes harder lessons?

Be encouraged. You can pass the test, because it's not by your own strength, but by His.

A-stinkin-MEN!!!

Love you guys, like Sean loves sweet tea. :-D

My Very Own Miracle

First off let me say, I'm sorry this has taken so long. Its been busy around here, you'll understand here soon.

I have GIANT news that can only be credited to God's faithfulness and grace to His kids. Sean is home, for good.

About a week ago Sean called me and told me that his commander had spoken to him and said that since Sean's end time of service date wasn't longer than 90 days away from the end of the deployment he had to make a decision, extend his contract for another year, or not extend and see if they would send him still or not. Sean called me immediately after this conversation to talk with me about it. I told him that I didnt want him to resign. Let them send him still and he could come home early, but resigning for another year wasnt an option I was ok with. Sean agreed and we hung up the phone.

Let me pause to explain the small miracle happening just in that circumstance. Last fall we got news that Sean would be getting deployed the following July, except if he wanted to go he would have to extend for another year. Sound familiar? Well, Sean being the loyal, up to the challenge man that he is did exactly that. He signed a contract for another year so that he wouldn't leave his guys in the lurch. A few months later, that whole deployment got canceled and everything he signed was null and void. Do you see where I'm going with this? If God had allowed the army to recognize or process that Sean's ETS date is when it is before he left for training and given him the option to resign then, I think he would have. He wouldn't have been in the middle of it, sick of eating MRE's, and sick of missing his wife. (I’m taking literary liberty here, but I think it’s fairly accurate.)

Back to the story: Sean went back to his commander the next morning and told him that he wasn't going to resign. His commander took this news and went higher up the food chain to figure out what they were going to do with Sean. They were either going to release him, or still send him but he would come home early. This was HUGE. Either of these options was better than when we started, I was jumping out of my skin all day Thursday.

Thursday night Sean called me like he usually does after training and dinner are over. He said to me, "Baby I'm so excited about coming home...for good." Tricky little man, slipping such huge news into normal conversation like that. I started crying immediately. I couldn't believe it. He was coming home, for good. I didn't have to dread my birthday, or Christmas any more. He would be there.

I got on my knees with Sean and the phone and cried out to the Lord in thankfulness. This had nothing to do with me, it was totally God, and He chose to pour out His grace, mercy, and love on us in such a tangible way.

I've always struggled with the reality of "God really loves me". I know how much of a mess I am, and how many times I've royally missed the mark. Coming to a place where I can feel God's love deep down in my soul has been difficult for me. It's something I've been working on for quite a while. In my head I know the truth, but in my heart part of me always felt like I didn't deserve it, I wasn’t good enough.

I think the Lord wanted to put that lie to rest. If I ever think, does God really love me? I have this. He brought my husband home. He loves me so much, that He spared me from something I honestly did not want to walk through. He gave me grace, even when I had all but given up hoping that Sean could be spared.

I know that there are layers to this lesson I'm learning. All that has gone down in the past week will take me months to work out in my heart. But this I know for sure, God is good, and He loves me.

He loves you too. You might still be walking through your dark valley, or maybe you’re on the mountain top, but he loves you the same. The Bible says that God IS love. It also says that He cannot change. So, no matter what you're walking through, or how you've messed up God is still love, and He still loves you.

I hope this story has breathed some hope into your lungs. God is so much bigger than we often give Him credit for. He can do anything. Don't give up hope. Keep running this race, and I’ll see you at the finish line.

He's a cutie, and glad to be home.

Mary, Martha, and some Peanut Butter

So here’s the deal. Sean comes home for his first four day leave in about 5 days. I’m so excited I can’t stand it! My type-A personality has gone into overdrive and I’ve planned, cleaned, and organized until my little hearts content. The past month has been a tough one. I think the anticipation of Sean leaving was almost worse than when he was actually gone. It was like when you’re riding a roller coaster and you’re tick-tick-ticking up that giant hill, just waiting to go over the edge. All of this hasn’t been a walk in the park for Sean either. Their training has been pretty intense, and he’s been eating MRE’s for two meals a day.

Let me pause here and decode army lingo for you. MRE = nasty, preservative laden, prepackaged mush they call breakfast and lunch. MRE’s are reason number 45 I could never be in the army. So what do I do in response to such a food atrocity? Go to Wal-Mart and Target about 10 times each to buy every organic, individually wrapped, doesn’t need heating or refrigerating food out there. No joke, I have a food pantry in my closet.

Acts of service have always been one of my love languages; I inherited that one from my mother. When I wig out and go to extremes, like I have been lately, I ware myself out trying to do everything. I can’t go in Sean’s place, but in my head it makes me feel a little better thinking that peanut butter, and tuna packets will make his time a little easier.

I wonder if this is how God feels towards us. God did take our place, and redeemed us when we were incapable of doing it on our own, but He doesn’t force us to choose Him. Beyond salvation, it is still a choice whether or not we invite the Lord into our daily lives. How often is His hand stretched out ready to help us, and we continue to muddle through on our own?

Sean doesn’t have to take all of the food I bought with him; he doesn’t have to accept any of my help. He’s been through one deployment without me, he could do it again, but wouldn’t it be better if he did? More often than I’d like to admit my rebellious teenager spirit rises up and I want to do everything myself. I’m a capable, educated woman! Hear me roar!! I can’t do it all though.

My peanut butter may help Sean to feel loved while he’s away, but nothing I do can give Sean the peace he needs to get through it all. That’s the hardest part for me. There isn’t anything I can do about all of this. All I can do is sit at the feet of Jesus, which is where He’s wanted me all along. So I’m learning to be more of a Mary and less of a Martha, to cling to the answer, instead of spinning my wheels in an effort to make sense of it all. ‘Cause here’s the thing, I don’t think any of it, life and all of its uncertainties, will ever make sense this side of heaven. So I’ve got to get over it, and take a chill pill. One of my favorite verses says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!” (John 16:333)

He doesn’t guarantee us an easy journey, but peace every step of the way. I’m thankful for that, for peace that passes all understanding. Peace that I don’t have to work for or earn.

Lord, thank you for loving me and for giving me your peace. Thank you for never leaving me or forsaking me, even when I try to do it on my own. Help me to lean on you, and you alone. Amen.

Peaks, Valleys, and Eternity

It's been my experience that immediately following any sort of kingdom 'high' Satan, the jerk that he is, comes at you full force, trying to knock you off that high horse. Well, this week has kind of been like that. 

I was shocked when I got the kind of response to my first two posts that I did. Honestly, those were for me. To get off my chest what was so heavy inside of me. I'm an out-loud thinker/processor. It helps me to talk through things. In fact, I usually feel like a giant ball of emotion until I can hash things out with someone. Sean is really good at listening to all my emotional ramblings. He is always patient with me and talks me through my over dramatic moments (me? over dramatic..NO! ;-). So, in writing that blog it was a way for me to get those thoughts out, and let Sean still be involved in the process. But then all of you wonderful people actually read it! Several girls told me how one of the posts had helped them, that the Lord had spoken to them through it. Humbled is an understatement, it was awesome to see the Lord using my words. It was definitely one of those 'spiritual high' moments, and you know what follows those.  

Satan really is a jerk. I hope you know that. I've thought about making a T-shirt about it. For no particular reason Tuesday was a hard day. I don't know if it was coming back to work after a long weekend, or my sister being gone (she's on her honeymoon..I expect gifts..), or it being one of the first nights I went to church without Sean, but all day my Eeyore cloud was out in full force. I didn’t shake it off probably until Wednesday night. I volunteer with the youth group at my church and it’s such a blessing to me each week. On my way home I called Sean and got to talk to him for a bit. He explained how he got to pray with several of the guys in his platoon that are Christians, and all of the ways he knows he is supposed to be there right now, for such a time as this.  

I've been prophesied over several times in my life, and they all had a similar chord running through them, that the Lord would bring me through specific things in my life in order for me to help the women around me, a call on my life like the call of Esther. I am here, for such a time as this. In my head I've always thought, "Yea, this is awesome! I'm going to be a nation changer like Esther, she was a queen! I want to be a queen!" But Wednesday night when Sean was talking about how he knew he was at the exact right place at the exact right time; my heart did not leap for joy. Sure, I'm happy that the Lord is using Sean, but does it have to be so hard?  

I think back to Esther. You know, I bet she wasn't super jazzed about her calling all the time either. The weight of saving a nation was on her shoulders. She had to risk her life for the lives of her people, not an easy task, but she did it. She didn't run away, or ignore what was being set before her. She sought the Lord, and went to work.  

That is not easy. It is not easy to stare at your seemingly impossible situation and say, "Ok Lord, its me and you, let's do this." But I think that's exactly the heart that the Lord is after; he needs you to be willing to trust His crazy plan. That he knows better than you do, and will carry you through it. I've always wanted to be that kind of person, who can go beside a river, pick up a couple stones and walk off to face the giant, knowing that God has my back. It’s tough and I'm not sure I've even begun to look anything like Esther, but I'm willing.

Growing is hard work, and spiritual growing pains are real, but I know that everything learned in the spirit will last me for all of eternity. This pain I'm experiencing will be miniscule in comparison to the eternal rewards ahead of me. That's true for you as well. No matter what you're facing, or how much your dreading taking another step forward, your reward will be worth it, for your treasures are in heaven not on this earth.

Lord, take me and use me. Help me to be able to fight for my people. Make me strong enough to slay the giants in my life, and give me the grace that I need to be able to trust that you have my back. For you crush giants and defeat armies, but you are tender and close to the broken hearted. Thank you for loving me even when I run away from what you've called me to do. Amen.